Day 1

So here I am home after shift number one to blog about..........my alarm goes off at half 7, I can hear it’s raining where I am and god do I not want to get out of bed. The cat is scratching at my bedroom door wanting fed there is a baby crying next door. Before I get out of bed I can feel its freezing cold outside the covers. My partner who is clearly not working this morning got to bed about an hour ago and woke me up, since then I’ve been tossing and turning so I know if I switch the alarm off and take 10 more minutes of cosy bliss ill fall asleep for hours and be late for work. There’s nothing for it but to get up. So I do and realise that not only is it raining there if a full blown storm raging outside!!! Before I can make myself even look human I need heat and tea. Sitting having my morning tea I can see the day far enough, I hate it when it’s cold outside people tend to complain more. It’s like I personally asked them to leave the warmth of their homes or offices to come for lunch. It’s still dark outside when I get out the shower I need to put on the bedroom light and risk waking Grumpus, another reason I hate working mornings, Grumpus predominantly works nights therefore comes to bed anytime between 4am and 7am each morning. Grumpus does not like getting woken by me getting ready to go to work. It seems the more I try to be quiet the more noise I make. Grumpus refers to this as me and my hammer.....the hammer being metaphorical of course.

By the time I get to work I am soaked through, and some chef has laid claim to the I-pod and the spice girls are blasting through the restaurant, just how I love to start my day. So I go through the ritual of set up enduring choruses of “if you wanna be my lover”. Somehow time actually passes quite quickly and its 11:30 and time for the pre shift brief. Still bucketing down outside there is already a queue of people forming outside waiting to get in. I don’t get this? The opening times are quite clearly displayed on the door we open at 12am every day. We have close to 300 seats in the restaurant you people are going to get a seat, go away and come back in half an hour instead of standing in the rain like idiots! But no they remain outside standing in the torrential rain. Occasionally someone will yank on the door in the hope that it will open and that these idiots are standing outside for the fun of it, but no, the door does not open and the individual walks to the end of the queue and waits in line.

Pre shift meeting over and the doors are now open the rain soaked individuals are now beginning to be seated. I approach my first table, 2 elderly ladies. “Hi ladies, how are you? Would you like a drink just now” the how are you was clearly a mistake. Were soaked through and freezing after you made us wait outside for almost half an hour. Oh how much would I like to say excuse me but the opening times are clearly displayed on the door. We open at 12 just like every other morning, the fact that you waited in the rain was your choice and clearly shows that you are an idiot! But instead I offer to take their jackets and smile all the while imagine slapping them with a wet fish. I go back; I have to, “can I get you a drink ladies?”

“A pot of tea for one, and two cups.”

Honest to god could you not could you not have stayed at home and had tea???

So I return with the pot of tea for one with the two cups and ask if they are ready to order. The more miserable of the two looks at me and says, “After standing out in the cold I’d really like some soup, I don’t see soup on your menu, tell me love what is your soup today”

Inside I’m screaming “YOU DONT SEE SOUP ON THE MENU BECAUSE WE DONT DO SOUP YOU FOOL” instead I say with a smile, “sorry ladies we don’t do soup.” Why am I apologising I ask myself? You stood long enough outside you could have looked at the menu, which by the way is right next to the opening hours!

The old dear looks at me in astonishment and says “you don’t do soup? Why not?” hmmm well because the people who get paid way too much money to design the menu decided no soup that’s why not.

“Go on” she says “ask the chef to throw together a pot of soup.” Now if any of you have had dealings with chefs in your time then you know what kind of response I would get if I wandered in to the kitchen and said “hey chef I have this wee old woman wanting some soup, do me a favour and make a wee pot would you?” yeah right I would leave the kitchen with my head in my hands to play with!  So I smile and say we don’t do soup I will give you a few minutes to have a look at the menu and come back.

Meanwhile I go to greet my next customer, a business man in a suit. “Hi I say can I get you a drink?”

“A pint of beer” he says........we don’t do pints!