It's Monday!

Monday comes around and all of my friends who work “regular” jobs are moaning about it being Monday. I quite like Monday’s because for me it means the weekend madness is over for another week and I have my time off to look forward to. I just have to get myself through my Monday day shift which is by far the worst shift of the week....other than Sunday when the place is run riot with kids..........or Saturday evening when there is a queue out the door and Chef is in a foul mood........or Friday evening when the offices close for the weekend and middle aged women are getting drunk on Chardonnay...........Well let’s just say that on a Monday when I’m in that particular time in that particular place it is the worst shift of the week.

12 noon sharp the doors open and as usual there is a queue of impatient people outside waiting to get in. They pile in and push past staff to get to their seat as though the music will stop and someone will be left without one. This always bemuses me, look around people there are close to 300 seats in here and 20 of you............you are going to get a seat!

My first table of 2 have been shown to their seat by the one of the lovely door team.  I can see them looking disapprovingly at the table I know there are talking between themselves saying that they don’t like the table.  Blondie however has a hangover and is doing her best to get away before they actually address her. Customers do this often, they complain to each other knowing full well that the staff can hear every word of what they are saying. As staff we have to remain invisible until spoken to. If we make any comment at this point we are shot down in flames as though we had heard what they were saying by bugging their private telephone line. So Blondie escapes and I know I will have to deal with them. I approach with a smile on my face, “hi ladies can I get you something to drink just now?” they look at each other as though I have spoken a different language and then look at me with such distaste and one says in a tone that suggests she would rather not be here at all “I suppose ill have some wine”.  What I would really like to say is....you know if you don’t want to be here you can leave because I really don’t want to be nice to you. But I go over the wine list and ask her which particular wine she would like. She hums and haws and the younger of the two, I assume it’s her daughter, asks which is dry which is sweet and then asks to taste two of the wines from the menu. I come back with a taster of the two wines she asked for and they both sip and make appropriate noises and then the Mother uses the same tone as before and says we’ll just take the house thanks. Yeah thanks for wasting my time. I put their drinks order through to the bar and go to greet my next table.......who are lovely.

I can see the wine on the bar for my table of moaners and I really don’t want to take it over to them, but I have to, it’s my job. So over I go with the wine and smile as I open it. “Would you like to taste the wine” yeah of course you do even though you wouldn’t know the difference AND it’s a screw top! “Yeah its fine” says the Mother, which to me would normally means it’s anything but fine but I know she is just being huffy for no reason in particular.  I tell them the specials with enthusiasm and explain the menu to them, I say I will be back in a few minutes to take their order but if they have any questions just to ask. As I turn to walk away the Mother growls “ERM EXCUSE ME” I take a deep breath and turn back around and smile....and wait. “Do you think we could have a better seat” she says. I KNEW IT! right from the start I knew it. They are actually sitting in a pretty good seat, a booth actually with soft padded seating. “Where would you like to sit” I ask.  She turns round and points to a table that has clearly been set up for a booking, tables pushed together to make a larger table and menus on the table waiting. So I tell her that this has been reserved for a booking and they are due in 10 minutes. She isn’t happy with this and says “well they aren’t here yet why can’t we sit there and you can put them somewhere else?” Because my love, the world does not revolve round you and we have a restaurant to run which involves a seating plan! So I smile and say so sincerely that I will find a more suitable table but that one is reserved. If I thought she was in a huff before she is at boiling point now her face is red with rage and for a minute I think she is going to walk out. I ask her what kind of table she is looking for and I will check with the door team to see what is best. She doesn’t even look at me and barks “somewhere in the middle”. I don’t know why but so many of my customers want to sit in the middle of the restaurant. It’s as though they are missing something, like there will be some sort of performance in the middle of the restaurant. Really it’s just a bunch of people eating food. I like to laugh because the middle sections of the restaurant have the worst tables, they are more squashed together and the chairs are hard, round the sides there are nice comfy booths with good space. By this point the restaurant is starting to fill up and I know that wherever I move them to they will be sitting so close to the table next to them they could probably eat off each other’s plates, so I have a little chuckle to myself. I go over to the host and tell her that table 52 wants to move to the middle of the restaurant and ask if there is a really uncomfortable table I can take them too......there is. Now I am smiling without effort as I go back and say ladies if you can just follow me, I take their menus and pick up their wine bottle. The mother attempts to give me her jacket and bag, yeah right I’m not your servant so I use my free hand to pick up her wine glass, the daughter will have to carry her own. Mother dear is not amused at having to carry her own jacket and bag and is making such a fuss about it mumbling to herself and she has such a face on her. I squeeze my way through the now busy restaurant to the tiny table for 2 set among all the other full tables, I look back to check that they are still following me and I can see they are regretting the move.........well it’s too late ladies Blondie is wiping down your old table for another set of customers!!! I place down the wine and the menus and explain that the lovely girl standing by the bar will be their server; she will be over once they are settled to take their order. Lovely girl at the bar was out with Blondie last night and also has a hangover so good luck to all involved I’m just happy I don’t have to deal with you any longer.

By this time I have acquired 3 more tables and have an order to take from the lovely couple who witnessed the whole unhappy Mother scenario. I decide that I should speak to them first. I go over and ask if they are ready to order. The guy looks at me and I can tell he is trying not to laugh so I smile and he buckles, his girlfriend starts laughing too and says “I don’t know how you do it” That I say happens every day, you get used to it and believe me it gets far worse. These are the customers I like, the ones that treat you like a person and realise you are only doing a job. I can have a laugh with these customers and this is why I do what I do.

I look round and realise I have some catching up to do with my neglected tables, one by one I get them drinks and take their food orders without much hassle. Just as I was catching up with myself my last empty table has just been filled. I go over and offer to get some drinks, “wine” they all say at so almost the same time it could have been rehearsed, I laugh and say “that bad?” they don’t find this funny and look at each other, then me. One of them says “Its Monday!” as if this is an explanation, and then says “bring us the wine list” no please no acknowledgement just a statement. What I would like to say is yes it is Monday, I’ve been here all weekend doing double shifts and I’m here again on the same Monday you are.........and you will find the wine list on your table. But I don’t, because I can’t. So I ask them if their table is ok in the hope that they would like to move.